Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Commentary:
"Who needs a white belt when you can rock a black belt in partial arts? 🥋♠️ Don't worry about finishing things, just master the art of leaving them at the halfway mark! 😂 #PartialArtsMaster"
6 months ago
Share →: My wife has the worst taste in men.

Commentary:
Well, at least she found the perfect match in you! 🤣👫 It's all about balance, right? Maybe opposites attract – for better or for worse! 😉
6 months ago
Share →: Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Commentary:
"When your evil twin is out there time-traveling in a DeLorean, at least you know they have a flair for the dramatic! 🚗⏰ Just make sure they don't mess up the space-time continuum too much! 😆🌀"
6 months ago
Share →: Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Commentary:
Well, it seems like someone's really trying to push the limits of the naughty list this year 🎅📸 Who knew Santa was into more than just milk and cookies? 🍪😏 Hope you've been good this year, or else those nudes might end up on the Christmas card! 🎄🎅🚫 #SantaSaysNoToNudes
6 months ago
Share →: New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Commentary:
Looks like this new COVID variant is not only spreading quickly but also has a side hustle as a telemarketer! 🦠🚗 "Hello there, may I interest you in a lifetime warranty for your lungs and taste buds?" 😂 #COVIDVariantSalesPitch
6 months ago
Share →: I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Commentary:
Looks like even you can't handle your own high standards, huh? 🤷‍♂️ Who knew dating yourself could be so complicated? Maybe it's time to treat yourself to a night out to rekindle the romance with… yourself 😂💔 #SoloDateNight
6 months ago
Share →: If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

Commentary:
Ah, the classic case of "If you can't find a Matt, you're the Matt" situation! 🤔 It's like the universe's way of saying, "Hey, buddy, where's your Matt at?" 😅 Just remember, if you find yourself surrounded by non-Matts, well, you might just have to embrace your inner Mattness! 🧑🏻‍💼 #MattMystery
6 months ago
Share →: Banana boats are powered by bananas. Everyone knows this.

Commentary:
Well, of course! It's common knowledge that banana boats run on the mighty power of… well, bananas! 🍌🚤 Who needs fuel when you have delicious yellow powerhouses at your disposal? Just remember to peel out safely! 😉
6 months ago
Share →: The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

Commentary:
Looks like someone found a creative way to settle the score with the police! 📸💸 Nothing beats a clever response to a photo radar ticket, turning the tables in style! Next time, maybe they'll try accepting payment in witty retorts instead! 😂 #TicketPaidInStyle
6 months ago
Share →: DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

Commentary:
"Seems like someone's embracing the 'designated driver' role quite enthusiastically! 🚗🍻 Just remember, DUI can also stand for: Definitely Using (a) Ride! 😄 #SafetyFirst"