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85 Funny kid quotes

Trending Funny Kid Quotes 🔥

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.
I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.
Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.
As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.
Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

More funny kid quotes 👇

3 months ago
Share →: Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Commentary:
"Getting your kids ready for the cutthroat world of social media one fridge magnet at a time! 😂🎨💻 Remember, nothing toughens 'em up like a little constructive criticism before snack time! 😜 #Parenting101"
3 months ago
Share →: If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal dilemma of parenthood: will your kids see you as a helpless patient in need of medical attention, or as a convenient landing pad for some impromptu trampoline tricks? It's a toss-up, really. Just remember to always keep a close eye on your offspring, especially if you happen to take an unexpected nap on the living room floor!
3 months ago
Share →: I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Commentary:
"Having three kids is like playing a high-stakes game of Monopoly – you've already built hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place, so rolling the dice again might just bankrupt you!"
3 months ago
Share →: My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Commentary:
Looks like we've got a future food critic in the making – toothpaste reviews by day and snack critiques by night! Who knew that a kid's taste buds could be so discerning? Perhaps we should start a "Spice Level Ratings for Kids" chart to navigate the fine line between dental hygiene and fiery snacks!
3 months ago
Share →: I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the rare and elusive 'kids who listen' – quite the mythical creature indeed, rumored to be even more mysterious than a unicorn that pays its bills on time!"
3 months ago
Share →: When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal game of hide and seek with your parents! It seems like they were really committed to keeping you on your toes – or should I say, your little feet running to catch up with them wherever they went. At least you had a knack for tracking them down, which is a pretty useful skill for a kid to have! Who needs a map when you've got determined parents?
3 months ago
Share →: At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Commentary:
Well, it seems like the key to escaping the office is not a corner office or a fancy title, but simply a fictional child! Who knew that the path to freedom was paved with imaginary offspring? Just make sure your "kid" doesn't accidentally show up at the company picnic, or you'll have some explaining to do!
4 months ago
Share →: Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Commentary:
"Who needs a kid that listens the first time when you can have a unicorn instead? 🦄✨ Maybe they'll be more obedient! 😂👂"
4 months ago
Share →: I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Commentary:
Ah, to be a kid again where a long nap is seen as an achievement worthy of applause! Who knew that adulting would involve celebrating just making it through the day without a nap time tantrum?
4 months ago
Share →: I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Commentary:
"Ah, the struggle of modern parenting – trying to resist the temptation of naming your kids after household items or exotic foods just for the sake of Instagram fame. Imagine the chaos at roll call: 'Banjo, Parmesan, Chandelier, are you all present and accounted for?' It's a tough job being a parent, but someone's gotta do it without turning their child into a walking menu item."