Commentary:
Beam me up! My neighbors are still Earthlings 😂🚀✨
152 Funny kid quotes
As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.
Commentary:
Looks like the North Pole needs a relationship counselor! 🎅💋🤣
Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.
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Learning the hard way that wrestling storylines aren’t family trees! 🎅🤼♂️👨👦
Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.
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Blaming the mirror for what the chef cooked! 🍬🪞🍽️
My kids want to know what’s for dinner, like they’re going to be happy with the answer.
Commentary:
Guess it's another night of "Not pizza again!" 🙄🍕
My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.
Commentary:
Dad-math strikes again: 2 kids = 0 kids. 🤔🧮👶👶
My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.
Commentary:
Goals so big the kids gotta clock in early! 😂🏡👶💼
My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.
Commentary:
When you think you're being summoned for a family board meeting, but it's actually a secret candy operation 🍫🤫😂
Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.
Commentary:
Ah, the modern struggle of balancing lattes and liberation while rocking designer kicks. Living the dream and questioning it too! 📱💸☕
I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.
Commentary:
Looks like you took team bonding to a whole new level 🌿😂🚬