220 funny kids quotes - Wordgag

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

May 30, 2026

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

May 30, 2026

My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

May 30, 2026

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

May 30, 2026

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

May 30, 2026

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

May 30, 2026

Millennials are so young because we were never allowed to grow up. Still living like broke college kids in our 40s.

May 29, 2026

I slept for 11 hours last night, just wanted everyone with kids to know that.

May 29, 2026

Commenting “AI slop” under pictures of my friends’ kids opening presents.

May 29, 2026

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

May 29, 2026

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

May 29, 2026

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

May 29, 2026

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

May 29, 2026

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

May 29, 2026

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

May 29, 2026

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

May 29, 2026

My kids want to know what’s for dinner, like they’re going to be happy with the answer.

May 29, 2026

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

May 29, 2026

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

May 29, 2026

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

May 29, 2026

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

May 29, 2026

If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.

May 28, 2026

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

May 28, 2026

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

May 28, 2026

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

May 28, 2026

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

May 28, 2026

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

May 28, 2026

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

May 28, 2026

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

May 28, 2026

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

May 28, 2026

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

May 28, 2026

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

May 28, 2026

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

May 28, 2026

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

May 28, 2026

You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

May 28, 2026

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

May 28, 2026

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

May 28, 2026

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

May 28, 2026

Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

May 28, 2026

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

May 27, 2026