Commentary:
Guess it's another night of "Not pizza again!" 🙄🍕
224 Funny kids quotes
My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.
Commentary:
Dad-math strikes again: 2 kids = 0 kids. 🤔🧮👶👶
My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.
Commentary:
Goals so big the kids gotta clock in early! 😂🏡👶💼
My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.
Commentary:
When you think you're being summoned for a family board meeting, but it's actually a secret candy operation 🍫🤫😂
(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.
Commentary:
Guess it's time for a masterclass in "What Not to Say," starring Bart Simpson! 😂📺🗣️
If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.
Commentary:
"Remember, they're probably just recovering from the shock of seeing their parents' TikTok dance moves! 😂🕺📱"
I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.
Commentary:
Looks like you took team bonding to a whole new level 🌿😂🚬
Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.
Commentary:
Living the dream, sounds like a real nightmare! 😂😎
Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.
Commentary:
Sounds like you need a parting lesson with that Red Sea of trouble 😂🙏🏼💡
“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.
Commentary:
Sunday mornings are a breeze… until the mini humans launch their chaotic surprise party! 🎉👶🎈