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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I’m sorry that I bit you, I was trying to flirt.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,490

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

Going bananas on Messenger:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Making waves on YouTube:

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

Freshly posted on X:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

Just shared via Telegram:

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Going viral on X:

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Just shared via YouTube:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

Funny killer quotes

Funny killer quotes bring a hilarious twist to the dark side of things 🔪😂! Perfect for those who love a mix of wit and wicked humor, these quotes sneak in laughs where you’d least expect them 😈💬. Ready to sharpen your smile and embrace the quirky side of danger? Dive into some killer laughs that are anything but deadly! 😜🔥

New funny killer quotes 👇

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

1 week ago

assume, block, confidence, good, humor, i, jawline, just, killer, looks, me, media, people, personality, rugged, rugged look, social, social media
I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

1 week ago

anger, angry, awkwardness, deadpan, expression, facial, facial expression, facial neutral, humor, i, joke, killer, neutral, neutral expression, personality, serial, serial killer, social, social awkwardness, suffer, syndrome, where
I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

2 weeks ago

chilling, documentary, entertainment, humor, irony, just, killer, news, put, relax, relief, serial, serial killer, stress, stress relief, turned
Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

2 weeks ago

comedy, dark, dark comedy, enough, foodie, hannibal, Hannibal Lecter, humor, killer, lecter, scary, serial, serial killer
Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

2 weeks ago

20, appreciation, corporate, corporate job, email, humor, job, killer, money, salary, should, someone, tips, work, work humor, workplace, worst
Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

3 weeks ago

being, big, career, comedian, comedy, comedy career, dark, dark comedy, entertainment, failure, hit, humor, killer, much, Netflix, own, podcast, popping, serial, serial killer, special, spend, success
Girls will be like “I have so much to do” then grab some snacks and start watching a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.

3 weeks ago

binge-watching, distraction, docusery, girl, girls, humor, i, killer, much, procrastination, serial, serial killer, snacks, start, watching
When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

3 weeks ago

ambitious, appearance, compliment, face, humor, i, irony, killer, meant, personality, serial, serial killer
Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

3 weeks ago

acceptance, dark, dark humor, humor, identity, individuality, irony, killer, self-acceptance, serial, serial killer

All funny killer quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

16 shares on Facebook this month:

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

76 shares on X this month:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting a new life today, bye.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, when you don’t burden people with your problems, they assume you don’t have any. Lol.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My cat and I talked it over and no we don’t think that I’m crazy.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I finish a show and don’t know what to do with my life.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes—one size too small—that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,662

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Single, not sure how to mingle.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I’m full of rage, but in a very chill and nonchalant way.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

Going viral on TikTok:

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

Trending via TikTok:

Socialism isn’t wrong because it has compassion. It’s wrong because it doesn’t work.

Making waves on X:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

Trending via Snapchat:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Seen just now on Twitch:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

Just shared via Discord:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

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