888 Funny life quotes

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  4 months ago

  Share →: I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a Fitbit when you've got a staircase workout program? 🚶‍♂️🤔 Just remember to take breaks for snacks in between flights! 🍕🍫 #StairmasterStruggles"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew that finding a parking spot could be the ultimate make-or-break moment in adulting? 🅿️🚗 Sometimes the struggle is just too real that surrendering and heading back home seems like the only logical option! 😂 #LifeGoals #ParkingStruggles"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: 90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying seems to be working.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew worrying had such a high success rate? 🤔 Maybe I should worry more about winning the lottery! 💸😅 Watch out, universe, here comes my worry game strong! 🌟 #WorryChampion"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

  Commentary:
  "Watch out for those laid-back denim enthusiasts 👖🏡 They might have a secret garden of buried surprises in their backyard! Keep calm and carry on, just steer clear of their eclectic fashion choices 😉🌳 #FashionablyDevious"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

  Commentary:
  🌪️ "Are you planning to ride the lazy river of life all the way to the drain, or are you considering a more adventurous water slide approach?" 💦😂

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

  Commentary:
  "Don't fret, you're right on track in life! Just remember, it's all part of the grand plan of horrible choices 😅🤦‍♂️ #LifeGoals"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

  Commentary:
  "When God closes a door, he opens a window. 🚪➡️🪟 Unfortunately for us, we seem to be stuck in a submarine… 🌊⛴️ Better start looking for that emergency exit hatch! 🚶‍♂️🔍"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the tragic tale of the cookie and the milk – a timeless drama of love and loss. Just when you thought you were enjoying a sweet moment, life crumbles before your eyes. Remember, in the world of cookies and milk, it's always a balancing act between pleasure and peril. Stay strong, dear dunkers, stay strong."

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a scale when you can measure your self-worth in cupcakes per day instead? Doctor's orders: one cupcake a day keeps the negativity away!"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the magical age of 40s where 'I'm too old for this shit' becomes your catchphrase and your superpower. No longer just an excuse, but a way of life! Embrace it and watch as responsibilities magically disappear (or at least, that's the plan)."

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