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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

He took my last fry, your honor.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1915 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,077

Funny Quotes Topics

14,856

Funny Quotes Images

12,077

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Reported on WeChat:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Shared recently on X:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Just landed via Instagram:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Going viral on Threads:

A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

Spotted on Threads:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Shared recently on Facebook:

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

Reported on WeChat:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

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Funny micromanaging quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1915 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,077

Funny Quotes Topics

14,856

Funny Quotes Images

12,077

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

Reported on Telegram:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

Making waves on Reddit:

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

Seen just now on Twitch:

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

Shared recently on Messenger:

You want me to go apple picking? The original sin?

Trending via Discord:

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Seen just now on X:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Just landed via WeChat:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

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