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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,341

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on X:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Spreading quickly via X:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

Going viral on Twitch:

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.

Live now on Slack:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

Making waves on Instagram:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Just landed via TikTok:

Some days I feel I’m on top of the world, and other days it feels like the world is on top of me.

Funny mid-day crisis quotes

New funny mid-day crisis quotes 👇

Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

1 month ago

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All funny mid-day crisis quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whole crypto scheme is built on people too dumb for crypto that aren’t self-aware enough to realize it.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

I like deadlines. They make me functional.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

59 shares on Telegram this month:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

89 shares on Slack this month:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

88 shares on Slack this month:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

It’s Monday, proceed with caution.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

Making waves on Messenger:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

Making waves on Reddit:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Going viral on Facebook:

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

Trending via Reddit:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Shared recently on X:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny mid-day crisis quotes

New funny mid-day crisis quotes 👇

Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

All funny mid-day crisis quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨