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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,349

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

Live now on Reddit:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Breaking via Slack:

I’m actually really good looking if you don’t look at me.

Just landed via Threads:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Going viral on X:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Spotted on Slack:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Live now on TikTok:

Going to IKEA if anyone needs some meatballs.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.

Funny not shaking quotes

New funny not shaking quotes 👇

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

2 weeks ago

bow, etiquette, hands, handshake, humor, kneel, not shaking, shaking

All funny not shaking quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

48 shares on Facebook this month:

Some days I feel I’m on top of the world, and other days it feels like the world is on top of me.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

36 shares on Threads this month:

Super excited about a brand new week of faking it.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

51 shares on Discord this month:

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

98 shares on X this month:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Trending via Instagram:

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

Spotted on Twitch:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Shared recently on WeChat:

Scrolling to your birth year is a humiliation ritual.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Freshly posted on X:

Well, that’s not very in love with me of you.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

Trending via Pinterest:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Going viral on Slack:

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny not shaking quotes

New funny not shaking quotes 👇

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

All funny not shaking quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨