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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

If cats could send Christmas cards, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

Updated

47 minutes ago

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a boy that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

Going viral on TikTok:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Just shared via Telegram:

One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

Just shared via Slack:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

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Funny Old McDonald quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2326 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,488

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,488

Updated

47 minutes ago

Users Online

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Behind every robot that turns evil is an engineer who specifically installed red LEDs into the eyes just for this scenario.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

Shared recently on Discord:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Spotted on Reddit:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Seen just now on Messenger:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Unless you’re dead wearing a sheet, you got no business ghosting people.

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