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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Not gonna lie, to this day, I don’t know the difference between gray and grey, I just wing it.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,711

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Shared recently on Slack:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

Going bananas on Discord:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Making waves on Telegram:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

If you get injured playing peekaboo, you end up in the ICU.

Going viral on Reddit:

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

Seen just now on Reddit:

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

Funny online presence quotes

New funny online presence quotes 👇

All funny online presence quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on X this month:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

How do I un-know people?

55 shares on X this month:

In Russia, the cold complains about you.

79 shares on X this month:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

94 shares on X this month:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

96 shares on X this month:

“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,425

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

Going bananas on Messenger:

Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Just shared via Twitch:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Just shared via X:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

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