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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

Making waves on TikTok:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Live now on Twitch:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Seen just now on Threads:

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

Shared recently on X:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Making a grown man kiss his camera on Facetime.

Making waves on X:

Your child learning to say mommy is when your life begins and ends.

Funny pizza topping quotes

New funny pizza topping quotes 👇

All funny pizza topping quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

45 shares on X this month:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

57 shares on Instagram this month:

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

51 shares on Discord this month:

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Honestly, how women are drawn in a manga is typically (though not always) a good clue for what demographic a manga series is.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Breaking news is really breaking me.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If you start liking someone, just block them. Follow me for more relationship advice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,739

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

Going viral on Telegram:

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

Just landed via Twitch:

Who called it a missed phone call from your parents and not a boomer rang?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

Live now on Snapchat:

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Shared recently on Slack:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

Breaking via Twitch:

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

Just landed via Instagram:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

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