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Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Milk or be milked.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,643

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

Let the kids believe in Santa. I believed the Undertaker and Kane were brothers.

Just landed via Threads:

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I am a fool everyday, I don’t need a holiday for it.

Spotted on Reddit:

The funniest thing about 28 Years Later is that the rest of the world just went “Uhm, anyway!” and carried on as normal, while the Brits live in hell.

Seen just now on Slack:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

Making waves on YouTube:

I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Wake up, the thinking isn’t going to overthink itself.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Trending via WeChat:

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

Making waves on Threads:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

121 Funny productivity quotes

More funny productivity quotes 👇

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

3 months ago

clean, cog, core, machine, morning, night, productivity, self-care, sexy, shower, vibe, vibes

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91 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

66 shares on Twitch this month:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

90 shares on Slack this month:

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

13 shares on Discord this month:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

66 shares on Facebook this month:

Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

If I get rid of social media, how will I know what everyone ate for dinner?

70 shares on Messenger this month:

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Foo fighters still fighting foo.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Live now on Telegram:

No camera can do justice to a landscape that melts your heart.

Seen just now on Twitch:

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Just shared via X:

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

Going bananas on X:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

Just shared via Reddit:

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

Seen just now on X:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

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Activity Log ✨

121 Funny productivity quotes

More funny productivity quotes 👇

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

All funny productivity quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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