Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

You don’t even have to date, by the way. You can just take a break from love and then randomly meet the actual love of your life somewhere you weren’t even supposed to be.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,341

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Life can only give you lemons if you answer the door.

Going viral on Facebook:

Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

Breaking via X:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Seen just now on Threads:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Spotted on Slack:

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

Trending via Reddit:

If I can’t wash dishes to your album, it ain’t that fire.

Spotted on Threads:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

Spotted on YouTube:

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

Just shared via Telegram:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Funny selective quotes

Funny selective quotes are like little nuggets of humor 🎉 that sneak into your day and make you smile 😄 when you least expect it. Perfect for sharing with friends or spicing up your captions 📱, these witty gems 💎 mix sarcasm, truth, and a dash of sass. Ready to laugh out loud and maybe even relate? Let’s dive into the funniest, quirkiest quotes that pick and choose just the right moments to entertain! 😂✨

New funny selective quotes 👇

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly selective about what I suffer for.

3 weeks ago

attitude, humor, i, just, lazy, motivation, procrastination, selective, suffer, suffering
Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

1 month ago

attitude, call, humor, i, lazy, motivation, participation, procrastination, selective, selective participation, ugly, ugly word, word
Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

1 month ago

attitude, humor, i, lazy, motivation, participation, procrastination, selective, selective participation, term, ugly, ugly word, word

All funny selective quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on WeChat this month:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

71 shares on Discord this month:

Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

65 shares on Slack this month:

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

26 shares on Discord this month:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,407

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I buy candles like I’m preparing for a Victorian blackout.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Going bananas on TikTok:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Spotted on Facebook:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Trending via Telegram:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Freshly posted on Discord:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Just landed via Twitch:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

Just shared via Telegram:

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

The fact that I exist irritates me at least once a day.

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