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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

$20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,640

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Going viral on Facebook:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Shared recently on Telegram:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Going viral on Slack:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Shared recently on Reddit:

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

Breaking via Messenger:

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

Home » Funny Selective Quotes

Funny selective quotes

Funny selective quotes are like little nuggets of humor 🎉 that sneak into your day and make you smile 😄 when you least expect it. Perfect for sharing with friends or spicing up your captions 📱, these witty gems 💎 mix sarcasm, truth, and a dash of sass. Ready to laugh out loud and maybe even relate? Let’s dive into the funniest, quirkiest quotes that pick and choose just the right moments to entertain! 😂✨

New funny selective quotes 👇

All funny selective quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,744

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

They should make a drug that recreates the feeling of having your number called earlier than expected.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Men with bibles names be the worst type of people.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Just shared via Threads:

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

Spotted on YouTube:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

Going viral on Twitch:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

Seen just now on YouTube:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

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