32 Funny yesterday quotes

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  1 week ago

  Share →: Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, so that’s your secret 'get out of jury duty free' card! 🃏🤣 Just make sure your alibi doesn't have WiFi! 📡🚫"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the infamous "other day" — basically the RSVP of time references! 🎉🗓️ It's like saying "soon" or "let’s do it sometime," which really means "whenever I remember or feel like it." 😂 So next time someone drops the "other day" bomb, just prepare for a timeline that stretches from yesterday to the dawn of humanity! 🕰️⏳ Talk about a flexible schedule!

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the irony of self-checkout! 🤷‍♂️ Clearly, they misunderstood the concept of "self" in self-checkout. Maybe they thought it meant "staff-assisted" checkout instead! 🤣 #TeamworkMakesTheDreamWork

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

  Commentary:
  Ah, the eternal struggle between adulthood and the desire for infinite weekends 🤔🎤 "Work again? I believe we've had this conversation before… like, daily?" 😆 #AdultingFeels #MondayBlues

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like you missed the boat on complaints! 🚢 Better luck next time! ⏳😄"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

  Commentary:
  "Just remember, fashion is cyclical – who knows, that scarf might be the next big trend in another 5 years! Keep rocking that vintage accessory with pride!"

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

  Commentary:
  Well, it looks like we've officially entered the land of whimsical weekday wonders! Just remember, if you find yourself lost in the time warp between "thisday" and "thatday," don't worry – you can always catch up on "yesterday" and look forward to "nextday"! Just don't get stuck in the eternal loop of "someday" – that's where productivity goes to take a vacation!

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like his wife sees the glass half empty… or in this case, the bottle half empty! 🍷😂 Maybe he should try a 'glass half full' approach next time!"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic case of financial hide-and-seek in marriage. It's like a scavenger hunt, but with money instead of hidden treasures. Who knew that 'for richer or for poorer' would also include searching the couch cushions for misplaced cash?"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic case of 'staircase amnesia' strikes again! 🤦‍♂️🤣 It's like the stairs have this magical power to make us forget why we ventured up in the first place. Maybe we need some stairway reminders or GPS navigation next time! 😜"

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