48 funny yesterday quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

May 20, 2026

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

May 20, 2026

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

May 20, 2026

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

May 20, 2026

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

May 20, 2026

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

May 19, 2026

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

May 19, 2026

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

May 19, 2026