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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Life is pretty much just a series of awkward and embarrassing moments, separated by snacks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,742

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Shared recently on Threads:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

Freshly posted on Slack:

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Just shared via Instagram:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

Just landed via Discord:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Making waves on Instagram:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Just shared via WeChat:

You gotta ask people nowadays, are you single single, mad at your partner single, blocked single or single just in your head.

Trending via LinkedIn:

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

2 months ago

0

How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the audacity of someone daring to delay our grand entrance to a destination that certainly won't crumble without our timely arrival! 🤣 Patience is a virtue, dear driver, even if it means enduring the torturous seconds of being stuck behind a slowpoke in traffic! 🚗🕰️ #FashionablyLate

dare, delay, frustration, hold, humor, irony, journey, me, person, place, presence, time, traffic

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

0

2 months ago

another, before, date, disappointment, expectation, home, humor, i, just, relationship, word
Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

0

2 months ago

20, anniversary, ChatGPT, creative, digital, effort, gift, humor, me, minutes, note, perfect, relationship, romantic, sarcasm, spent, tech, tell, training, try, wife
If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

0

2 months ago

after, afterlife, cremated, cremation, death, die, family, family game night, game, game piece, hourglass, humor, night, nights, participation, piece, put, still
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

0

2 months ago

bell, diet, doctor, eat, eating, fast, fast food, food, health, humor, i, joke, know, less, McDonald’s, me, meant, pretty, sure, taco, Taco Bell, well
The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

0

2 months ago

actually, conspiracy, faked, humor, i, landing, Mars, moon, moon landing, proof, prove, space
I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

0

5 months ago

basic, basic needs, cold, discomfort, freezing, hunger, needs, pee, peeing, starving

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

27 shares on Telegram this month:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a break after sending one email.

87 shares on Slack this month:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

37 shares on X this month:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Overthinkaholic!

32 shares on Reddit this month:

Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have a favourite person, but I do have a favourite cheese.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I recently saw a documentary about dinosaurs. They simply ate everyone they didn’t like. I like that concept.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,626

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Who are these people that buy unsalted butter on purpose?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Applied for an internship to gain experience and got rejected because I didn’t have relevant experience.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

You can name literally any food or drink to the dentist and they’ll be like “ohhh, that’s actually so bad for your teeth. You should only eat water and toothpaste.”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Just landed via Threads:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Spotted on Pinterest:

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Some parents are blessed with amazing kids and others have kids that decide to learn the trumpet.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

Just shared via Slack:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Just landed via WeChat:

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

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