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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Just realized when I get a partner, that means my family is gonna know that I have feelings.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,252

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Making waves on Snapchat:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My mayor is Muslim, my bagels are Jewish, my Dior is Christian.

Going bananas on Threads:

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

Spotted on YouTube:

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

Live now on TikTok:

I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

Going viral on Messenger:

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

2 months ago

0

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, sure, because we all know the most profound life lessons are learned from an anvil falling on someone's head and a bird outsmarting a coyote! 🐦🎩 Looks like this dad is really onto something, teaching his kids the important values of high-speed chases and explosive pranks! 😂 #ParentingGoals

cartoons, else, entertainment, humor, husband, kids, lesson, lessons, looney, Looney Tunes, moral, moral lesson, nothing, only, parenting, said, tunes, wants, watch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, bad, blood, fat, health, human, humor, irony, mosquito, nature, too
First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

0

2 months ago

ancient, bullshit, caveman, ever, evolution, fire, humor, i, last, misunderstanding, needs, prediction, reaction, skepticism, well
I want you to know that whatever problems you’re having, I’m hear to ‘like’ them.

0

2 months ago

empathy, friendship, hear, humor, i, know, problems, support, want
Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

0

2 months ago

crowd, died, forgetting, God, God save the Queen, hear, humor, irony, love, memory, queen, save, singing
(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, bra, British, flirtation, guy, humor, intimate, moment, right, unhooking
Sometimes I feel like my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure if they like me or not.

0

2 months ago

being, feel, feelings, humor, i, life, me, perspective, self-doubt, someone, sometimes, sure, uncertainty, writing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

83 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

20 shares on Discord this month:

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

96 shares on Slack this month:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: oh you like surprises? here’s another chin. Surprise!

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Underrated life skill: only doing what feels genuinely right and letting everything else go.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,560

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Breaking via Telegram:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Making waves on Pinterest:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

Just shared via X:

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

Making waves on WeChat:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

Spotted on Slack:

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

Trending via Threads:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Seen just now on X:

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

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