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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡Ί has shared:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Έ has viewed:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has viewed:

The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has downloaded:

The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡² has copied:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡© has bookmarked:

Apparently, I’m not even going through a lot; I just need money.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡― has downloaded:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, β€œIt’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,495

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Trending via WeChat:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

Just landed via Instagram:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Spotted on Discord:

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Just shared via Discord:

Rock bottom ain’t even that bad of a place to be if you’re into collecting rocks.

Trending via X:

Alexa, mute my children.

Trending via Messenger:

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m like a semicolon, most people don’t know what to do with me.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I don’t have mirrors in my house. I mean, who wants to see disappointment everyday?

I ain’t typing β€œX” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

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Commentary:
Looks like someone's playing it safe on the internet to avoid those questionable searches popping up! πŸ•΅οΈβ€β™‚οΈ Better keep it family-friendly before your wife becomes the new Sherlock Holmes of your search history! πŸ”πŸ˜‚

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hope this email kills us both.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

β€œFox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

13 shares on Slack this month:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

26 shares on X this month:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the β€œat your age…”

43 shares on Instagram this month:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œYour sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Tested positive for being single af

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,282

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡― has viewed:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

Eating nothing but beer for a month and calling that Oktoberfast.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡― has copied:

β€œAI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡½ has bookmarked:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has copied:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡² has viewed:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡· has copied:

Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

Just shared via Slack:

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

Breaking via Discord:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

Live now on Snapchat:

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Going viral on Slack:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, β€œI love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, β€œTurn left.”

Shared recently on Twitch:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, β€œHave you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Freshly posted on X:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Seen just now on Discord:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

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