I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

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I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

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The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

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You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

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If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

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Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

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It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

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This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

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I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

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Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

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I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.