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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,404

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Making waves on YouTube:

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

Breaking via TikTok:

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

Just shared via Instagram:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

Breaking via Messenger:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

Live now on Threads:

Gay? We don’t use that word anymore. Person of rainbow.

Just shared via Discord:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

Shared recently on TikTok:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Shared recently on Discord:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

Witty quote about financial dreams, featuring playful humor on wealth and money.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle of being just a step away from riches, but alas, that pesky detail of actually having the money! 💸💰 Hang in there, friend, you're almost there…almost. 😄"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Twitch this month:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

50 shares on Discord this month:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,449

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Ever since I was a kid, I always knew I wanted to live in a galaxy far, far away.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Spotted on Reddit:

Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

Shared recently on X:

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

Trending via Messenger:

I can’t believe someone ran over my neighbors loud motorcycle tomorrow morning.

Spotted on Pinterest:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

Trending via WeChat:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

Shared recently on YouTube:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

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