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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

One year of friendship, and I’ve not seen your breasts? Are we really friends?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,268

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

Freshly posted on X:

I feel like a wildlife photographer when I spend hours trying to capture my teenager’s smile.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

Seen just now on X:

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Honestly, I can see why God flooded the Earth that one time.

Just landed via Discord:

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

Just landed via TikTok:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Going viral on Messenger:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about aging and doctor remarks, playful and humorous in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the dreaded "at your age…" It's the medical equivalent of being handed the senior citizen discount card without warning. 🧓👴 But hey, at least now you can milk it for all it's worth – demand extra soft pillows and all the Jell-O you can eat! 💊😂 #AGEisJustaNumber

age, doctor, feel, feeling, feeling old, hit, humor, i, life, me, old, wisdom

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Twitch this month:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

87 shares on Threads this month:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

67 shares on X this month:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,554

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Monday? But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.

Just shared via WeChat:

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

Just shared via Twitch:

Everyone thinks they will be the first person in history to maintain their dignity while posting online.

Trending via X:

Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

Going viral on Discord:

Coffee is just goth water.

Going viral on TikTok:

Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

Trending via Pinterest:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Live now on Reddit:

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.

Spotted on Reddit:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

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