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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,617

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Breaking via Messenger:

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

Going bananas on TikTok:

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

Just shared via Discord:

Adulting is making a phone call, even though you don’t want to.

Shared recently on Discord:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Breaking via Reddit:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Just shared via Telegram:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Live now on Facebook:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Seen just now on X:

Life is weird and then you die.

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive chef who believes in making a grand entrance – not just with the aroma of their cooking, but also with the symphony of clanking pots and pans! Who needs a full kitchen orchestra when you've got this culinary maestro in action?"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Discord this month:

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

70 shares on WeChat this month:

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

22 shares on Slack this month:

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Why did they call it K-pop and not Seoul music?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,631

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Peak delusion is believing that a paragraph will make someone treat you better.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

It’s interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid, but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

There’s no way you could go all the way through the desert on a horse with no name, you’d have named it by the end.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Just shared via Threads:

Not again. I mean good morning.

Spotted on YouTube:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Spotted on Reddit:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Spotted on X:

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

Going viral on Reddit:

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

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