Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Oh, so you're practicing the 'out of sight, out of pickpocket's mind' strategy at work? 😆 Better watch out for those office ninjas silently stealing wallets while you catch some z's! 🕵️💼💤"

afraid, carry, fear, humor, i, sleeping, someone, steal, wallet, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

0

4 days ago

aging, alarm, best, day, day off, getting, getting older, humor, i, older, routine, same, sleep, time, wake, waking, waking up
I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, couch, dropped, gifts, humor, money, parenting, planning, save, saving, toddler, toys, wrapping, year
Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

0

2 months ago

badass, beach, everyone, fear, humor, leg, nature, reality, seaweed, surprise
Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

0

2 weeks ago

again, Christmas, fat, getting, gift, guess, holiday, humor, joke, repetition, same, self-deprecation, thing
Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

0

2 months ago

analogy, animal, city, comparison, funny comparison, humor, life, new, New York City, quirky, raccoon, theo, Theo Von, urban, urban life, visits, von, york
You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

0

5 months ago

25, 30, 40, adult, age, am, ambition, before, financial, financial pressure, goal, humor, i, life, life goal, pressure, rich, right, stress, want, wealth, young, young adult

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

20 shares on Discord this month:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

The cool thing about Twitter is you’re never the craziest one.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Going bananas on WeChat:

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

Just shared via Facebook:

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

Just landed via YouTube:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Just shared via YouTube:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Just landed via YouTube:

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

Trending via Slack:

Name a better duo than sad and depressed.

Going viral on Instagram:

So tired of looking in my wallet and not finding $10,000

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨