I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

If you like pointing out beautiful scenery to three people who are on their phones, a family road trip is for you.

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Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

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Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

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My superpower is to make anyone I wanna make comfortable feel uncomfortable.

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Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

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Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

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Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

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Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.