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Commentary:
"Who needs a knife when you have diplomacy and common sense on your side? 🤣 Talk about bringing a classy arsenal to a potentially pointy situation! 🤷‍♂️ #BrainsOverBlades"

anything, avoidance, bring, fight, humor, i, knife, knife fight, need, self-preservation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

0

2 months ago

daily, daily wear, everyday, expensive, fashion, glasses, humor, i, irony, most, self-deprecation, thing, toxic, toxic trait, trait, wear
I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, car, creativity, crochet, DIY, going, humor, i, myself, new, steel, steel wool, wool
I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

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2 months ago

FitBit, fitness, frustration, humor, i, irony, item, lost, lost item, put, steps, taken, track, tracking, trying, where, wish
People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

0

2 months ago

always, commitment, commitment issue, dating, distant, emotionally, emotionally distant, eye, fish, got, humor, issue, issues, people, relationship, salmon, say, sea, specific
This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

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2 months ago

actually, back, Back to the Future, biff, Biff Tannen, comparison, future, humor, movie, movie reference, reference, tannen, worse, worst
I’m not an idiot anymore, universe, please stop with the lessons.

0

2 months ago

growth, humor, idiot, lessons, please, sarcasm, self-awareness, stop, universe

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

12 shares on WeChat this month:

Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

85 shares on Reddit this month:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

56 shares on Messenger this month:

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Girlhood is sitting down in a boiling hot shower instead of dealing with life.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

Going viral on Messenger:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Breaking via Slack:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Breaking via Slack:

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Just landed via Reddit:

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

Trending via Twitch:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

Going bananas on Reddit:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The lion is actually pretty concerned right now.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

I’m not an idiot anymore, universe, please stop with the lessons.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨