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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

The person who invented butter really understood humans.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,266

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

Making waves on Telegram:

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

Spotted on Telegram:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

Trending via Threads:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

Just shared via WeChat:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

2 weeks ago

Playful quote about aging with a humorous warning from a doctor.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh no! Sounds like a serious case of "getting older by the minute" syndrome! 🕰️🤔 Remember, we are all suffering from this condition known as life… with no known cure! Stay strong and embrace the wisdom that comes with each passing year! 🧓🏼👵🏼🎉 #AgingGracefully

aging, alarm, condition, doctor, humor, i, irreversible, life, terminal, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Threads this month:

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

72 shares on Threads this month:

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

79 shares on Discord this month:

I’m just a girl looking for another snack.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

This is the wrong generation for people with an old soul.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

56 shares on Threads this month:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

75 shares on Threads this month:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Eating spaghetti to forgetti my regretti.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you gonna meow for me or what, bro?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

So basically, companies pay YouTube to show ads, and we pay YouTube to not show ads.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Unpopular Opinion: Die Hard is a Harry Potter movie. He sneaks around a tower at night avoiding Alan Rickman.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,326

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Celery is depressing green water wafers.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I know which nation I like best. Hibernation.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Going bananas on Facebook:

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I would like even faster food.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Spotted on Instagram:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Going bananas on Discord:

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

Just shared via Instagram:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Making waves on WeChat:

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

Making waves on Twitch:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Breaking via Messenger:

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

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