Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.
  • I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.
  • Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?
  • I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.
  • I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.
  • I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.