Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,639

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Seen just now on WeChat:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Just shared via Instagram:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Just shared via Reddit:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

Making waves on Slack:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Just shared via Twitch:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Going viral on WeChat:

Time needs a speed limit.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

Trending via Messenger:

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Being nice is just my default setting because let's face it, my face does most of the talking for me 😜🤷‍♂️ #uglybutkind"

choice, hate, honesty, humor, i, interaction, nice, people, self-deprecation, social, social interaction, ugly

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

0

2 months ago

consistency, ending, humor, key, relationship, self-reflection, single, year
When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

0

2 months ago

birth, born, chuck, Chuck Norris, doctor, humor, joke, norris, slap, toughness
We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

0

2 months ago

change, fergalicious, humor, living, society, times
She’s the kind of beautiful that makes me do 40 push-ups in my room at 3am.

0

2 months ago

3am, 40, attraction, beautiful, fitness, humor, kind, late, late night, me, night, push-up, room
Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

0

2 months ago

confrontation, driving, feel, frustration, highway, humor, let, me, merge, power, powerful, traffic
Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

0

2 months ago

advertising, family, friends, humor, irony, pressure, pyramid, pyramid scheme, scheme, social, social pressure, thing, worst, worst thing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Facebook this month:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

58 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

48 shares on Telegram this month:

My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m so bored, I’m gonna join a poly-relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I bet before the band got popular, Barenaked Ladies concerts had a lot of pissed off attendees.

88 shares on Threads this month:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

67 shares on X this month:

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

If you wear enough cardigans, people will assume you’re smart and you can stop reading entirely.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

You used to calm me on my cell phone!

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

This world is extremely kind to men, so I am not.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

A pretty girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

Making waves on Facebook:

Call me Frankenstein the way I’m piecing it together.

Going viral on Telegram:

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

Spotted on Facebook:

Headache pro-tip: Bang your toe into something.

Spotted on Reddit:

You can always tell when a man’s mustache is performative and not representative of his true spirit.

Making waves on X:

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

She’s the kind of beautiful that makes me do 40 push-ups in my room at 3am.

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨