Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
🚨🤣 "I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately. Hopefully it doesn't go off accidentally when I'm just binge-watching Netflix on the couch!" 😂 #LifeGoals #LifeAlertFail

alert, bracelet, ever, humor, i, irony, joke, just, life, life alert, notified, self-awareness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

0

2 months ago

freedom, having, humor, i, kid, kids, lifestyle, man, parenting, sarcasm, sucks, time, want, whatever
After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

0

2 months ago

away, crime, entertainment, get away, humor, hundred, investigation, murder, paranoia, podcast, solve, start, ten, think, true, true crime
My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

0

2 months ago

brain, concern, dehydration, due, favorite, game, guessing, headache, health, health concern, humor, lack, malnutrition, medical, medical humor, migraine, poor, posture, sleep, stress
Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

0

12 hours ago

actually, big, economy, laundering, laundering scheme, money, nail, nail salon, salon, scheme, shop, town, vape, vape shop
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

0

2 months ago

doll, humor, making, request, stop, voodoo, voodoo doll, work
I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

0

2 months ago

gift, heaven, i, ideal, ideal partner, kindness, love, man, marriage, marry, me, partner, relationship, romance, straight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

72 shares on X this month:

Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

26 shares on X this month:

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

76 shares on Slack this month:

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

15 shares on Threads this month:

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

89 shares on Threads this month:

Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department).

69 shares on YouTube this month:

I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Making waves on TikTok:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

Breaking via YouTube:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Spotted on Discord:

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Boy, are you a piñata? Because I have an overwhelming urge to beat you with a stick.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Just landed via Facebook:

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

Do vape shops and nail salons actually make money, or is my town’s economy one big laundering scheme?

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨