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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

756 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,918

Funny Quotes Topics

13,888

Funny Quotes Images

10,918

Updated

15 minutes ago

Users Online

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Trending via LinkedIn:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

Just landed via Discord:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Making waves on Pinterest:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Just shared via X:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

Making waves on TikTok:

Job applications be like “how did you hear about us?”. Bro why, was it a secret?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like Amazon is all out of unnecessary impulse buys – finally, a sign to save some money! 💸 Who knew they could make running out of things sound like a win-win situation? 😂 #RetailTherapyGoneWrong

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

756 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,918

Funny Quotes Topics

13,888

Funny Quotes Images

10,918

Updated

15 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

The cool thing about Twitter is you’re never the craziest one.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn’t lettuce, for sure.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

Trending via X:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

Reported on X:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

Spotted on YouTube:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Just shared via TikTok:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

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