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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

756 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,918

Funny Quotes Topics

13,888

Funny Quotes Images

10,918

Updated

29 minutes ago

Users Online

3,425

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Spotted on TikTok:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Just shared via Facebook:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

Just landed via Messenger:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Spotted on Messenger:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Going viral on Telegram:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

Making waves on Messenger:

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Trending via Reddit:

Meow means woof in cat.

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like Amazon is all out of unnecessary impulse buys – finally, a sign to save some money! 💸 Who knew they could make running out of things sound like a win-win situation? 😂 #RetailTherapyGoneWrong

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

756 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,918

Funny Quotes Topics

13,888

Funny Quotes Images

10,918

Updated

30 minutes ago

Users Online

3,427

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

Reported on Twitch:

Crossing my fingers one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Your opinions are not my business.

Trending via Pinterest:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

Just landed via X:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

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