21 funny Amazon quotes - Wordgag

Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

May 28, 2026

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

May 27, 2026

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

May 27, 2026

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

May 27, 2026

“I asked ChatGPT”. I confided in Amazon. I confessed to McDonald’s. I have an inside joke with Exxon Mobil.

May 27, 2026

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

May 26, 2026

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

May 26, 2026

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

May 25, 2026

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

May 24, 2026

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

May 24, 2026

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

May 23, 2026

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

May 23, 2026

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

May 23, 2026

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

May 22, 2026

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

May 22, 2026

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

May 21, 2026

That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

May 20, 2026

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

May 19, 2026

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Apr 1, 2026

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

Apr 1, 2026

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

Mar 31, 2026