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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,269

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

If you are sad, just sing and you will realize that your voice is worse than your problem.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

Going viral on YouTube:

Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Grown men asking Grok if this is real.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Live now on Twitch:

When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

Funny quote about needing peer pressure to motivate action.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a motivational coach when you've got a peer pressure squad standing by? 😂👯‍♂️ Just remember, choose your peer pressure pals wisely – might end up trying skydiving or eating exotic foods before you know it! 🪂🍜"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Threads this month:

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Adulting’s a total scam. Bills, taxes, and a laundry pile that breeds in the dark, were not in the brochure!

55 shares on Twitch this month:

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The algorithm knows about that thing you like that you’re denying yourself of.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,335

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

I want Al to do my laundry and dishes so that I can do art and writing, not for Al to do my art and writing so that I can do my laundry and dishes.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Enjoying the consequences of my actions.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

Making waves on Threads:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Live now on Instagram:

Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

Breaking via Discord:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Damn, girl, are you Black Friday? Because I’m wondering what your bloody deal is.

Just landed via Slack:

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

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