I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

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Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

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The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

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Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

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If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

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One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

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Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

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I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.