“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

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You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

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Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone that’s in a bad mood.

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“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

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“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

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I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

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Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

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I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

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I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

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Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

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It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.