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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I march to the beat of my own dumb.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Jan 6, 2026

3,519

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Broadcasted on X:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Going viral on Discord:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

People never run off to join the circus anymore.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Trending via Slack:

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Live now on TikTok:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

2 months ago

0

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Starting the day with low expectations is a bold move, like playing the 'worst-case scenario' game on expert mode! 🙈 But hey, at least you can only go up from there, right? Maybe today will surprise you with a sprinkle of unicorns and rainbows! 🌈🦄"

assume, day, horrible, humor, i, morning, morning routine, optimism, perspective, routine, start

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, danger, dangerous, date, gone, humor, joke, relationship, restaurant, toilet, toilets, vanish
Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

0

2 months ago

communication, digital, humor, i, impulsive, media, messaging, press, psycho, reaction, read, send, social, social media, sometimes, text, think
Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

0

2 months ago

creativity, day, dream, food, fridge, funny idea, humor, i, idea, ketchup, open, own, packets, restaurant, saving
Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

0

2 months ago

again, airport, check, dieting, humor, just, lose, loss, luggage, never, pounds, summer, travel, want, weight, weight loss, worry
Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

0

2 months ago

downfall, enjoy, enjoyment, humor, i, karma, me, people, revenge, schadenfreude, unfortunately, watching, wrong
Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

0

2 months ago

attitude, casual, confidence, here, humor, i, late, lateness, punctuality, sarcasm, sorry, wanted

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not single, not dating, but a secret third thing (quantum entanglement).

31 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

11 shares on Threads this month:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

17 shares on Discord this month:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

88 shares on Discord this month:

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

28 shares on X this month:

They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,538

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Unpopular opinion: Landlords should not be able to increase rent unless they’re upgrading the apartment.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Being a sleepy girl with a busy life is so hard.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

According to a recent study, women who are a little overweight live longer than men who mention it.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

Going viral on WeChat:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

Shared recently on TikTok:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I have to stand in the shower about this.

Going viral on WeChat:

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

Trending via Threads:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

Broadcasted on X:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans no longer fit.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

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