I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

35 shares on Discord this month:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

84 shares on Threads this month:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

59 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.