Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Mentally saying “Wed-Nes-Day” when writing the word Wednesday.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

The circus does not condone the actions being taken by its monkeys.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

A haunted house, but it’s just you inside your own head.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Men love to show you a YouTube video. It is a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,754

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Everyone on the bus thinks that they are the main character, when in reality the main character is the bus.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I hope the world needs to be saved from the apocalypse with video game skills so my teen’s entire life won’t have been a complete waste.

Seen just now on Threads:

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

Going viral on Slack:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

Trending via Threads:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Twitter is cigarette for the eyes.

Live now on X:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Just landed via X:

I love rap beefs, it’s so romantic when two guys sing songs to each other.

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about switching drinks and feeling better, humorously blaming vodka's effects.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew that vodka could make you feel better than coffee and orange juice combined! 🍹😄 Clearly, it's the secret ingredient we've all been missing out on! Just remember to thank the doctor for the prescription next time 😉👩‍⚕️"

alcohol, coffee, doctor, sugar, vodka

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Slack this month:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

Nothing gets my heart pumping like receiving an annoying newsletter.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

37 shares on Slack this month:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

10 shares on X this month:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

56 shares on Slack this month:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

67 shares on WeChat this month:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

64 shares on Telegram this month:

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don’t have to do anything.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you accept a knighthood, you should have to participate in at least one jousting tournament a year. The tournaments should be televised.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,347

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I love that the entire economy is just different types of scams now.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

It would be nice to see basic human decency make a comeback.

Just landed via Discord:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

Just landed via Snapchat:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

Making waves on Twitch:

I eat posts like yours for breakfast.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Just shared via X:

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Just shared via X:

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

Seen just now on Discord:

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

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