I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Making a cult with only intuitive introverts so we can all sit in silence, side-eyeing each other suspiciously.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Even worse than the buzzing of the mosquitoes is the moment when it suddenly stops.