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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

What makes us human is selecting all images with traffic lights.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Watching a movie and subtitles not syncing is low-key pain.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Nothing like a meteor shower to remind you that burning out can still be breathtaking.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Once your parents move from “What time are you coming back” to “Are you coming back today,” you have won the war.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Dec 25, 2025

3,649

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Breaking via Facebook:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Spotted on Messenger:

I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

Shared recently on X:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Trending via Facebook:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Going viral on Instagram:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Trending via Reddit:

I am cassette tape years old.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

Spotted on Messenger:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

2 months ago

0

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the noble art of oxygen-wasting, a truly underrated skill! 😅 Here we witness the master at work, gracefully sitting and triumphantly squandering precious molecules. May we all aspire to such lofty heights of idleness! 🌬️💨"

day, here, humor, i, just, oxygen, procrastination, relax, sit, think, waste

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

0

2 months ago

back, balcony, communication, country, decisions, fact, humor, i, people, speak, wrong
I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

0

2 months ago

asked, conversation, denial, humor, i, introspection, myself, self-reflection, toxic
Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

0

2 months ago

dating, humor, humor quote, laughter, rejection, reply, romantic, sarcasm, single, someone, still, words
I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, animal, desire, escape, everything, fix, freedom, horse, humor, i, Kazakhstan, wild, wild horse, wish
Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.

0

2 months ago

am, before, communication, honesty, humor, i, just, shocked, speak, spontaneity, think, unfortunately
I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

0

2 months ago

20, awkward, discomfort, good, humor, joke, looking, minutes, observation, reading, room, social

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Reddit this month:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

48 shares on Slack this month:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

69 shares on Threads this month:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

Requesting the Pink Panther theme song at karaoke and just standing on the stage motionless the entire time.

95 shares on X this month:

Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

For my next trick, I’ll watch a two-hour movie in four.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,874

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Typos is the Greek god of spelling errors.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Life is really sucking the life out of me.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

Spotted on YouTube:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Just landed via Threads:

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Just shared via TikTok:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

Making waves on Slack:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Making waves on Discord:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

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