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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Jan 5, 2026

3,525

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Seen just now on YouTube:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Shared recently on Messenger:

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

Going viral on Snapchat:

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

Going bananas on YouTube:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

2 months ago

0

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the noble art of oxygen-wasting, a truly underrated skill! 😅 Here we witness the master at work, gracefully sitting and triumphantly squandering precious molecules. May we all aspire to such lofty heights of idleness! 🌬️💨"

day, here, humor, i, just, oxygen, procrastination, relax, sit, think, waste

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

0

4 weeks ago

Christmas, December, decoration, decorations, easier, family, family life, holiday, house, humor, husband, life, moved, moving, said, taking
If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

0

2 months ago

activity, bump, clumsiness, definitely, friendship, humor, i, just, know, line, straight, straight line, together, walk, walking
I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

0

2 months ago

business, dining, dislike, food, humor, i, joke, mixing, pizza, pleasure, preference, vegetables
Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

0

2 months ago

doctor, drinks, health, honesty, humor, laugh, lie, live, partying, week
Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

0

2 months ago

contempt, court, held, holding, honor, humor, i, judge, lawyer, mean, relationship, wanted, wit
My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

0

2 months ago

cheetos, contradiction, flamin’, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, hot, humor, kid, me, parenting, snack, spicy, toothpaste, trouble

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on TikTok this month:

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

58 shares on X this month:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

Do the people who make chairs know what humans look like, or nah?

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Scrolling should count as cardio.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

People pleasers aren’t kind. They’re afraid.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The prettier you are, the weirder it gets.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,652

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

If you’re a man and don’t feel well or are going through something tough, just remember no one cares.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Body by sandwich.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Live now on Discord:

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

Making waves on TikTok:

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The feminine urge to open a coffee shop that’s also a library, a bakery, and a flower shop.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

Going viral on Messenger:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Just shared via Messenger:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Live now on Facebook:

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

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