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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,586

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

Spotted on TikTok:

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

Broadcasted on Slack:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

Going bananas on Discord:

Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Just drank a big glass of water, and I regret to inform you, they might be right about hydration.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

Just shared via TikTok:

Elsa froze her entire kingdom instead of dealing with her feelings. I respect that level of avoidance.

Just landed via Telegram:

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Seen just now on YouTube:

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Clever quote about wishing Wolverine claws for easy entry into reality, playful and humorous tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old struggle between slicing through life's challenges like a badass superhero and trying not to accidentally shred your Amazon package 🦾💥📦 At least Wolverine never had to worry about misplacing his scissors!"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

Life is like a game of chess. I don’t enjoy it very much.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Your opinions are not my business.

33 shares on Threads this month:

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

55 shares on Slack this month:

Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

57 shares on X this month:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

28 shares on Threads this month:

One day you’re cool and then the next, you realize your favorite pair of pants are sweatpants from the grocery store.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The funniest thing about 28 Years Later is that the rest of the world just went “Uhm, anyway!” and carried on as normal, while the Brits live in hell.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,342

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

The greatest trick ever was making people feel more connected, when they are actually more alone than ever.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I am the opposite of artificial intelligence. I am authentic stupidity.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Is he trying to pronounce “charcuterie” or is he having a stroke?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

Shared recently on Threads:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Seen just now on X:

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Going viral on X:

Game night with the family is only fun until I lose.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

Just shared via Messenger:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Going bananas on Instagram:

Called in, “Taking a gap year.”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Just landed via Pinterest:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Trending via WeChat:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

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