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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

824 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,986

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,986

45 minutes ago

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

Just landed via Messenger:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

Spotted on Pinterest:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Going viral on Reddit:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

Shared recently on Messenger:

“I’ll just iron my clothes for work in the morning,” he thought in stupid bachelor.

Seen just now on Discord:

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

Trending via Instagram:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Just landed via WeChat:

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

6 months ago

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

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Commentary:
😄💀 "I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive. Well, if that isn't the ghost calling the kettle spooky! 👻 Who said the afterlife couldn't have a sense of humor? Just watch out for those ghostly giggles echoing in the night!"

afraid, alive, cemetery, death, fear, ghost, hand, humor, i, joke, kid, little, me, told, too, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

824 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,986

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,986

45 minutes ago

3,449

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Live now on X:

My one cat vomited her dinner and then the other cat went in and started eating it. And that, my friends, is what ChatGPT is to me.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Breaking news is really breaking me.

Live now on Telegram:

“Male loneliness epidemic” and it’s just karma and the consequences of their actions.

Live now on Facebook:

Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Trending via Twitch:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

Trending via YouTube:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

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