I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.