I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

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When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

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There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

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11 out of 10 women are always right.

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The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

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At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

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Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

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I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

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My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.