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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Ginger ale is the champagne of soda.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,485

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Making waves on X:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

Seen just now on Threads:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Just landed via YouTube:

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Breaking via X:

Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

Making waves on WeChat:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

3 weeks ago

Witty text about babies emerging feet first, humorously suggesting they wear their mom as a hat.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, well, well, it seems like babies are born with a sense of fashion flair right from the start! 👶🎩 Just imagine little newborns strutting out into the world with their moms as the latest trend in headwear. 😄👒 It's safe to say that being a hat has never looked cuter or more unexpected! 🤣 #FashionForwardBaby

baby, childbirth, feet, hat, humor, mom

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

58 shares on WeChat this month:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

16 shares on Twitch this month:

As a childless adult, it is my duty to embrace hobbies and pastimes that my peers cannot, as they have sacrificed their free time to maintain the population. I must vibe and chill, and do fun things, in their honor.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

51 shares on Threads this month:

My brain has too many tabs open.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You lose some, you lose some more.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,270

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Nobody says “boom shakalaka” like they used to.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

Trending via WeChat:

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Just landed via Instagram:

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

Trending via TikTok:

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

Seen just now on Facebook:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

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