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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

From now on, every time I think I’m hating too much, I will think of Kendrick and realize I’m not hating to my full potential.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

782 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,944

Funny Quotes Topics

13,916

Funny Quotes Images

10,944

Updated

34 minutes ago

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Just landed via WeChat:

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

Going viral on Twitch:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Just shared via Twitch:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Reported on Slack:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Trending via Instagram:

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Trending via Twitch:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

Breaking via Discord:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, that's a real eye-opener! 🪂🤣 Looks like some people are just meant to keep their feet on the ground. Maybe they can try skygazing instead! ☁️✨ #BetterSafeThanSorry

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

782 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,944

Funny Quotes Topics

13,916

Funny Quotes Images

10,944

Updated

34 minutes ago

Users Online

3,432

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Just shared via YouTube:

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

Just landed via YouTube:

Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

Breaking via Twitch:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

Shared recently on Instagram:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Trending via Facebook:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Reported on WhatsApp:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

Spotted on X:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

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