Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,656

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Can’t. Calling out some bullshitters on some bullshit.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Trending via Discord:

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Live now on Threads:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Just shared via WeChat:

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Trending via Reddit:

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Never going into a job interview nervous again, because, wow, it is literally a free invitation to talk about how amazing I am.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

2 months ago

0

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the dream of multiplying our cozy comfort! 🛏️😴 Imagine the possibilities: double the snuggles, double the naps, but still only one snooze button to press! 😄 Who needs to be in two places at once when you can just be in bed twice? #SleepGoals"

bed, humor, i, ID, places, relaxation, sleep, twice

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

0

2 months ago

ball, expectation, frustration, humor, irony, me, mean, miscommunication, people, stress, stress ball, tell, throwing
If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

0

2 months ago

car, ceiling, drive, driving, duck, garage, head, humor, i, keep, parking
If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

0

3 months ago

attitude, comeback, humor, i, matter, me, mind, over, remember, self-confidence, wit
I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

0

5 months ago

communication, finds, hope, humor, i, message, no response, patience, response, row, sarcasm, text, texting, waiting, well
Imagine if social media closed every day at 6pm like a shop.

0

2 months ago

activity, closed, closure, day, every, hours, humor, imagine, media, shop, social, social media
Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

0

2 months ago

alone, drinking, home, humor, i, introvert, myself, night, socializing, sorry, tonight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve been heading in the wrong direction for most of my life, but since the earth is round, I’m just going to stick with it and see it through.

31 shares on Slack this month:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Normalize having a threatening aura, but really just being a sweetheart.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

25 shares on Slack this month:

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

37 shares on WeChat this month:

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Unpopular opinion: I do enjoy third-wheeling if the couple is fun.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

4,003

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Shared recently on Slack:

If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

Trending via TikTok:

I wish I had a friend like me.

Spotted on X:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

Trending via Instagram:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

Shared recently on Discord:

I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

Trending via WeChat:

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Just shared via Instagram:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴