If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Having a nicotine addiction is basically just adding a new base layer to Maslow’s hierarchy for no reason.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.