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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ญ has bookmarked:

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bobโ€™s Feet.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ต has shared:

My mom recently asked me how to take a screenshot. At first, I laughed, but then I remembered she taught me how to tie my shoes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

Sorry I left you on read, I didnโ€™t mean to open it just yet.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ซ has viewed:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has viewed:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,402

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Going viral on Threads:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Seen just now on TikTok:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

Going bananas on Discord:

I just turned on my carโ€™s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Trending via Threads:

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I love sleeping. You donโ€™t spend any money and you donโ€™t miss anyone.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Trending via YouTube:

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

Going bananas on YouTube:

After an hour on this team meeting Iโ€™m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Live now on TikTok:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Witty quote about love and daydreaming, playful and humorous vibe.
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Commentary:
"Well, looks like I need some monetary motivation to keep you in mind! ๐Ÿ’ญ๐Ÿ’ฐ Who knew my wallet could influence my thoughts! ๐Ÿค‘๐Ÿ˜†"

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Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

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Social Media Stars โญ

68 shares on Threads this month:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine hating me, and Iโ€™m not even paying attention.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

40 shares on Reddit this month:

Girl math is deactivating social media accounts to avoid only one person.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

76 shares on Reddit this month:

Why is it called โ€œfree timeโ€ when I use it to spend all my money?

33 shares on Instagram this month:

Getting into male-dominated fields like falling asleep on the couch.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

On one hand, itโ€™s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, itโ€™s terrible to have access to the Internet.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Donโ€™t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The Face ID on my phone wonโ€™t work until it sees the loss of hope in my eyes.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I have read the room and decided to be illiterate.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,443

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ธ has copied:

I donโ€™t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฌ has shared:

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

Plot twist: a Mission Impossible movie where the mission is in fact impossible.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ญ has bookmarked:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has shared:

Stop asking me if Iโ€™m tired. Canโ€™t I just be ugly?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has shared:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has downloaded:

Why would I get married when itโ€™s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ด๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

Wild Friday night, and by wild, I mean me and the other psychopaths at the gym.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via Telegram:

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Due to personal reasons, Iโ€™ll be getting stronger every day.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

Live now on Twitch:

I only have one wish in lifeโ€ฆ For all my dreams to come true.

Going bananas on Instagram:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

Trending via Slack:

I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

Making waves on Messenger:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Therapy isnโ€™t about being โ€œfixed.โ€ Itโ€™s about being your therapistโ€™s favorite patient.

Going viral on Reddit:

Itโ€™s the weekend, so naturally, Iโ€™m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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