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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

You can always tell when a man is dating someone new. Why you going to the aquarium and the museum?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2148 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,310

Funny Quotes Topics

15,037

Funny Quotes Images

12,310

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Going viral on Telegram:

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Reported on Discord:

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Making waves on Telegram:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Breaking via Telegram:

Alexa, turn off the planet.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

Just shared via Snapchat:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’d stalk me too, I get it.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
"Well, looks like I need some monetary motivation to keep you in mind! 💭💰 Who knew my wallet could influence my thoughts! 🤑😆"

humor, i, joke, money, relationship, sarcasm, start, thinking, thought, time

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

“It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Just walked by an empath and his head exploded.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Babe, wake up, it’s stupid outside!

Just shared via WeChat:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Just shared via X:

I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

Seen just now on Threads:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.

Spotted on Reddit:

I have the bruises of a much more active person.

Just landed via Instagram:

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

Just landed via Facebook:

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

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Activity Log ✨

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

I was not meant to work a job; I was meant to lay down and ponder.

I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

Violence is not the answer, unless you’re a gaggle of children instructed to break into a piñata.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

I don’t know which aunty needs to hear this, but focus on your own child.

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

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If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

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