Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on the bus do not go round and round.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,619

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

Just landed via Instagram:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Spotted on Slack:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Spotted on Slack:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Live now on X:

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Crazy how people can merge perfectly at McDonald’s, but not on the highway.

Shared recently on X:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, looks like I need some monetary motivation to keep you in mind! 💭💰 Who knew my wallet could influence my thoughts! 🤑😆"

humor, i, joke, money, relationship, sarcasm, start, thinking, thought, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

2 months ago

addiction, anxiety, beverage, caffeine, coffee, enjoy, humor, sarcasm, urinating
People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

2 months ago

asleep, fall, freak, humor, i, me, mean, people, quick, relax, sleep, thoughts
Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

2 months ago

enough, friends, humor, i, intervention, life, loneliness, luck, lucky, me, social, social life
Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

2 months ago

backflip, dream, forever, funny dream, just, memory, show, someone, stranger, surprise, unexpected, unexpected visitor, visitor
No offense, fellas, we love compliments, but a compliment from another woman means just a little bit more.

5 months ago

another, appreciation, bit, compliment, compliment from woman, compliments, fellas, just, little, love, means, offense, woman
I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

2 months ago

change, divorce, getting, humor, i, life, life change, problems, relationship, solution

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on X this month:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

27 shares on Twitch this month:

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

14 shares on Threads this month:

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

48 shares on Discord this month:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

27 shares on Messenger this month:

“Where did all your money go?” I’m either wearing it or eating it.

15 shares on Discord this month:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

Trending via Telegram:

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

Just shared via TikTok:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Making waves on Threads:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

No offense, fellas, we love compliments, but a compliment from another woman means just a little bit more.

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨