If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Adulting is making a phone call, even though you don’t want to.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

First responders? You mean reply guys?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.