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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I always figure it out on my own, I just need to panic first.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Skin coloured leggings should be illegal.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Too self-aware for foreplay. I’m so sorry… Take that nurse costume off. I know you didn’t go to med school.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,541

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Shared recently on Reddit:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

Trending via LinkedIn:

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

Going viral on YouTube:

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Just landed via Threads:

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

Going viral on Twitch:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, so you're an expert on relationships now, huh? Well, why aren't you a millionaire, Mr./Ms. Relationship Guru? 💁‍♂️💰 Might need to update your resume to include "Love Doctor AND Financial Wizard"! 😉 #SavageResponses #SingleLifeBenefits

answer, dating, humor, millionaire, money, people, relationships, sarcasm, single, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Threads this month:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

73 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

13 shares on X this month:

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

No matter how weird things seem to get, there’s always an episode of The Twilight Zone that was eerily similar.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve watched porn with better writing than Stranger Things.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

41 shares on Discord this month:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,729

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

AirPods are hungry for earwax. It’s your job to feed them.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

This summer went by so fast, I didn’t even get a chance to lose any weight.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

So we have actual fact checkers who know all the facts? Why not create a TV channel where they just give us the facts? We could call it the News.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

Trending via Telegram:

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

Just landed via Facebook:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Just shared via Instagram:

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

Spreading quickly via X:

Sometimes happiness is just having a good night’s sleep.

Breaking via Threads:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

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