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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ผ has copied:

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, letโ€™s run it back!”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ญ has bookmarked:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has viewed:

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ผ has viewed:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

The note on this boxed wine says โ€˜Fresh up to 6 weeks after openingโ€™. 6 weeks. Lol.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ณ has downloaded:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,421

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Making waves on Facebook:

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

Shared recently on Discord:

November doesn’t have afternoons. It’s just morning until 2 p.m., then night.

Going viral on Twitch:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Seen just now on Threads:

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Oh, to live in an apartment alone and do whatever I want.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.

Breaking via YouTube:

Iโ€™ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Freshly posted on Discord:

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Airports are so funny. Like, โ€œOh, youโ€™re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?โ€

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Witty text questioning whales' swimming as exercise, playful and humorous in tone.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
"Swimming may be good exercise, but have you ever seen a whale doing Zumba? ๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿ’ƒ Clearly, they are on a whole other fitness level! Maybe we all need to add a bit more blubber to our workout routine. ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ’ช"

, , , , , ,

Keep the laugh going ๐Ÿ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

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Social Media Stars โญ

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wouldnโ€™t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

21 shares on Slack this month:

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

88 shares on Discord this month:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

77 shares on Discord this month:

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

60 shares on X this month:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

Meow means woof in cat.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

63 shares on YouTube this month:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: Itโ€™s a rare occurrence, so youโ€™re special.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Trust my gut? The thing that canโ€™t even handle milk.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes โ€˜skdjfkskakfk.โ€™

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,649

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

โ€œIโ€™m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.โ€

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ญ has viewed:

Trust my gut? The thing that tricks me into buying gas station sushi and roller dogs? No thanks.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has viewed:

Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what Iโ€™m capable of.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡จ has viewed:

Donโ€™t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has downloaded:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ณ has downloaded:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ธ has shared:

Donโ€™t suffer in silence. Make it everyoneโ€™s problem.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ธ has downloaded:

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Iโ€™ve successfully reduced phone time by looking at computer more.

Breaking via Twitch:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Just landed via Reddit:

Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

Making waves on Snapchat:

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Just landed via X:

Sarah Connor would be awfully disappointed in us all, letting this Grok into our lives.

Going viral on X:

Peloton guy yelling โ€œtwo more, one moreโ€ but itโ€™s me eating Cheetos.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I like you because we hate the same people.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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